It's Fundamental

The scene: Late December 2007. I look at the stacks of unread books accumulated from various thrift and secondhand book stores piling up in my apartment. The year's end fast approaching.

The resolution: Perhaps not entirely apt. It was more of a challenge for myself: I will read 52 books in 52 weeks beginning January 1st, 2008 and ending December 31st, 2008.

The rules: More concerned with averaging a book a week rather than a hard-line stance of one book read per week. Books per my rules were anything of at least 75 pages. Yes, graphic novels which exceeded that length, and of which I read two, count. Short story compilations count as one book. Choose Your Own Adventure books would only be allowed if my adventure lasted at least 75 pages. You will notice a complete lack of Choose Your Own Adventure books, whether that's because I did not read any or my adventures were chosen poorly I will leave up to the reader's imagination. What good is life without some mystery?

The reason: The aforementioned stack of unread books. Secondly, admitting that reading has become less of a practiced activity post college; taking weeks to months on end to finish novels I started, often placing them down for days at a time to only have to reread the last 10 pages to get reacquainted with the story since last I left it.

Mission: Accomplished! Where's my banner????

And now, for posterity in the world wide interwebs, here are all 53 (yes, I beat my goal by one!) books I read in 2008, listed in order of completion:

1. Rage-Richard Bachman (nee Stephen King)
2. The Long Walk-Richard Bachman (nee Stephen King)
3. Red Harvest-Dashiell Hammett
4. Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis (graphic novel)-Peter Kuper
5. Live From New York-Tom Shales & James Miller
6. Blood Meridian-Cormac McCarthy
7. Ask the Dust-John Fante
8. Saturday Night: A Backstage History-Doug Hill & Jeff Weingrad
9. Exile on Main Street: A Season in Hell with the Rolling Stones-Robert Greenfield


10. The Road-Cormac McCarthy
11. Pure Drivel-Steve Martin
12. Raymond Chandler: A Biography-Tom Hiney
13. Trouble is My Business-Raymond Chandler
14. The Ten Cent Plague-David Hadju
15. Devil in a Blue Dress-Walter Mosley
16. The Old Man and the Sea-Ernest Hemingway
17. The Jaws Log-Carl Gottleib
18. White Teeth-Zadie Smith
19. Rebels on the Backlot-Sharon Waxman
20. The Pigeon-Patrick Suskind


21. The Complete Peanuts 61-62-Charles Schulz
22. Seven Per-Cent Solution-Nicholas Meyer
23. The Thin Man-Dashiell Hammett
24. The Studio-John Gregory Dunne
25. Honeymoon-Patrick Modriano
26. The Man Who Heard Voices: Or, How M. Night Shyamalan Risked His Career on a Fairy Tale-Michael Bamberger
27. Bringing Down the House-Ben Mezrich
28. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (compilation): Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
29. The Tragedy of MacBeth-William Shakespeare
30. Danse Macabre-Stephen King
31. Nightmare of Ectasy: The Life and Art of Edward D. Wood, Jr-Rudolph Grey
32. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde-Robert Luis Stevenson
33. The Yiddish Policeman's Union-Michael Chabon


34. The Invisible Man-HG Wells
35. The Glass Key-Dashiell Hammett
36. A Red Death-Walter Mosley
37. The Spirit Archives 1-Will Eisner
38. The Sun Also Rises-Ernest Hemingway
39. The Getaway-Jim Thompson
40. The Lives and Many Deaths of Harry Houdini-Ruth Brandon
41. The Ox-Bow Incident-Walter van Tillenburg Clark
42. Cash-Johnny Cash
43. True Confessions-John Gregory Dunne
44. The Year of Magical Thinking-Joan Didion
45. Savage Night-Jim Thompson
46. Somebody Owes Me Money-Donald Westlake
47. How to Talk Dirty and Infulence People-Lenny Bruce
48. The Final Solution-Michael Chabon
49. The Busy Body-Donald Westlake


50. The Maltese Falcon-Dashiell Hammett
51. Roadwork-Richard Bachman (nee Stephen King)
52. Deathbird Stories-Harlan Ellison
53. The Crucible-Arthur Miller

Some stats, since they proved so popular in my year end movie assessment article:

Number of Fiction books read: 40
Number of Non-Fiction books read: 13

Authors read multiple times:

Dashiell Hammett: 4
Stephen King/Richard Bachman: 4--side note: until last year, I hadn't read a Stephen King book since my teenage years (when he was my favorite author), prompted by the release of the film version of The Mist (the novella included in the Skeleton Crew compilation) I decided to re-read it since it was the first novel that I thought I should adapt into a movie (I was 14 years old, and didn't get very far). I read the other stories in Skeleton Crew, rekindling a nostalgic appreciation for King which lead to reading the Night Shift compilation on my honeymoon which...well, you get the idea.
Cormac McCarthy: 2
Walter Mosley: 2
Ernest Hemingway: 2
John Gregory Dunne: 2
Michael Chabon: 2
Jim Thompson: 2
Donald Westlake: 2

Books written by Men: 49
Books written by Women: 4 (sorry, ladies)

By Decade Written:

2000s: 12
1990s: 8
1980s: 5
1970s: 6
1960s: 5
1950s: 4
1940s: 2
1930s: 5
1920s: 2
1890s: 2
1880s: 1
1600s: 1

As far as 2009, I have no plans to replicate this particular goal. Not that I don't plan on continued reading, but there are a good many longer novels and classic literary works that would require a certain amount of attention that could have thrown a wrench in the overall goal. For example, since Christmas 2000 I have owned David Foster Wallace's epic Infinite Jest without cracking more than the first dozen or so pages, his death last year increased my urge to finally delve into it. (Of course you can see by the sidebar that thus far I've read two graphic novels in the first six weeks of the year....)

And now back to reading, somehow that stack of unread books has actually increased.

A Famous Movie Still That Perfectly Captures My Frame of Mind at This Moment in Time

Hopefully once work and life slow down a little I can get back to posting here.

"I Am Not a Number. I Am a Free Man!"

R.I.P. Patrick McGoohan, star, writer and co-creator of the landmark 1960's cult series, The Prisoner.

Make Room for Rickey

Colonel Mortimer would like to wish congratulations to Colonel Mortimer's all-time favorite baseball player. Of course, Colonel Mortimer could be referring to none other than the greatest lead-off hitter in league history, Rickey Nelson Henley Henderson.

While Rickey the man may have had his faults--an ego equal to his impressive skills (upon surpassing Lou Brock to become the all-time stolen base leader, he humbly announced that he was now "the greatest of all time!"); his responsibility in the popularization of the trend that saw athletes referring to themselves in the third person, and he perhaps stuck around far too long after the effects of aging took their toll on his abilities, even playing a year or two in the minor leagues in his mid-forties. But all of these components are part of his overall persona, and damn if his charm is not only despite these traits, but because of them. And besides, I'll take his bravado over the false modesty of the likes of Alex Rodriguez any day of the week.

In 2003, a year that would prove to be his final season in the major leagues, I was lucky enough to see Rickey play in person one last time. It was during his half-season stint with the Los Angeles Dodgers. He didn't start, but late in the game, with the Dodgers holding a several run lead, Rickey came in to pinch hit for the starting pitcher, Hideo Nomo, if memory serves. He swung at an early pitch, hit an easy one hop grounder to the shortstop and was promptly thrown out. But Rickey, then 44 years old, ran towards first base with the same passion and intensity he displayed in his earlier and more fortuitous years as a World Series champ with the 1989 A's team (and the '93 Blue Jays) and in his 1990 AL MVP campaign.

My excitement at Rickey's should-have-been-unanimous induction into the Hall of Fame is tempered somewhat by the fact that once Jerry Rice gets enshrined at Canton next year, no more players from the greatest era (the late 80's/early 90's) of my two favorite sports teams (the A's and 49ers, natch) are left to be celebrated (well maybe Mark McGwire, but that is seeming less likely due to the cloud of steroid abuse and anyway that fucker would probably go in as a Cardinal anyway) with no modern players from either teams worthy of mention. But weeping for the last vestiges of my youth's prosperous sports franchise success is for another time, let's celebrate the man, the legend, the Rickey Henderson!

Bringing Justice to the Streets

When we last left mild mannered architect turned unmild mannered vigilante Paul Kersey in Death Wish 2, he had withdrawn from his bourgeois society trappings and embraced the underground where he lived amongst the slums of Hollywood to best protect the innocent from the savage punks that run amok, like a modern day Tom Joad with better weaponry. As is their want, the creative team behind Death Wish 3--returning director Michael Winner, star Charles Bronson and producers Menheim Golam and Yoram Globus, completely toss continuity aside and the third film opens with Kersey on a bus returning to the city that he fled at the conclusion of part one, New York.

In my review of DW2 I inferred that the sequel was superior to the original due to its lack of pretense and accepting of the revenge film's true exploitative nature. My thesis gets sullied a bit in part 3 where Winner tilts the scales far too much in the exploitation side. It is a Cannon film through and through and very much a product of it's company's idiom as well as the mid 1980's, where bloodless warfare was seen by many impressionable action cinema/television viewers of all ages via hit products like The A-Team and the cartoon G.I. Joe. Of which DWIII is of the same ilk. There's literally a scene where kids dance next to the dead bodies of the gang members to Jimmy Page's funky score (yes, Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page!)

In DW3 the impetus that drives Kersey back into the punk blowing away game is the murder of an old war buddy who refuses to take part in the extortion of the dwellers of a downtrodden apartment complex in a never mentioned New York borough (the film was shot both in Brooklyn and London). This provocation that drives the film is a bit of a limp catalyst after having his wife and daughter murdered in the first two films. My only wish is that the hushed voiced narrator would have solemnly intoned something along the lines of "First they killed his wife. Then his daughter. But this time, they have pushed Paul Kersey too far...they have murdered an acquaintance that he kind of liked!" in the film's trailer.

There are three major differences between the third entry and parts 1 & 2. The first two dampen the essence of the Death Wish series for me, while the third makes for the film's main (and almost sole) pleasure. The bad elements first: The captain of an ineffective and indifferent police squad (played by character actor extraordinaire Ed Lauter) gives Kersey carte blanche to kill any goons that would help clean the city, thus robbing a crucial element of Kersey's character by removing the prefix "folk" or "anti" before hero from the equation. It also fully endorses the vigilante actions of the hero, removing whatever trace elements of the questioning of Kersey's motives or sanity the source material and the third acts of the previous two films had built. The film is redeemed slightly by giving Kersey his first true adversarial equal, Manny Fraker, played by Gavan O'Herlihy, a wonderful cross between Gary Busey and Klaus Kinski, sporting a hairstyle due for a fashion rediscovery, a reverse mohawk: the sides are grown out and the middle is completely shaved with red war paint streaked vertically across. Neither of the predecessors featured a worthy main opponent for Bronson, and in the original film, Kersey didn't even have the opportunity to go after the specific perpetrators responsible for his wife's death.

DWIII eventually develops into an all out war between the low income dwellers of the apartment complex and Fraker's gang. Kersey fighting side to side with the city's poorer residents provides some nice counter balance to the first film's depiction of the financially challenged, but by that point the film has became an all-out cartoon featuring elderly couples creating Home Alone style booby traps, convenient store owners tossing handmade bombs and the aforementioned children dancing over corpses. Admittedly, writing this out makes it sound actually pretty awesome. Sadly, the execution is mishandled by Winner and the ridiculousness of the proceedings is never fully embraced.

I understand the need to throw a wrench into a long-running series to stave off repetitiveness, especially something with the narrative limitations of Death Wish, but the essence of the series is completely lost in part III and Kersey is now just a urban Rambo figure. Part Four is next, hopefully we will see some playful shifting of the formula while returning Kersey to his lone avenger and outlaw status.

Two Literary Passings

I realize this isn't necessarily the up to the nanosecond "current" news one expects from the immediacy of the internet, but two men passed away in the last week for whom I would like to offer brief, if belated, tributes.

Donald E. Westlake (1933-2008) was an extremely proficient author of pulp fictions who in addition to writing under his real name, wrote under several pseudonyms. He also dabbled in screenwriting, of which his work includes the underrated thriller The Stepfather and the adaptation of Jim Thompson's The Grifters. As part of my 52 books read in 2008 goal I finally delved into his intimidating oeuvre, reading Somebody Owes Me Money and The Busy Body. Both novels displayed his gifts for witty prose, quick pacing, unique and humorous takes on the crime genre and most impressively, his emphasis on strong, well defined characters. Under his most famous nom de plume, Richard Stark, he wrote the Parker novels (such as The Hunter and The Outfit) which have inspired many film adaptations, most notably John Boorman's Point Blank starring Lee Marvin. I have not yet read any of the Stark novels, but they have recently been reissued for the first time in years via the University of Chicago Press publishing company.

And if you are interested in purchasing any of Westlake's novels, and are a Los Angeles resident, might I suggest a trip to the historic Sunset Strip book store, Book Soup, one of the last remaining independent book retailers in the city's west side?


Sadly, Book Soup's founder Glenn Goldman (1950-2009) passed away on January 3rd from pancreatic cancer at the age of 58. At the time of his death, he was considering selling the store. Hopefully, if some good can come from his untimely passing it's that people who may have taken Book Soup for granted over the last few years will insure that whoever takes over day to day operations will continue to run the store by the same principles and practices, and more importantly keep it a book store period, something along the lines of what occurred after New Beverly Theatre founder Sherman Torgan passed away in July 2007: repertory theatre fans and filmmakers who frequented the New Beverly before fame rallied together, coming to the theatre in droves and assisting in the programming. As such, today the theatre is operating stronger than ever.

For additional reading, I recommend this entry from the author of Seagalogy, Vern, who offers a heartfelt eulogy to Westlake over at Ain't It Cool News.

Colonel Mortimer's 2008 Film Journal Stats and Assorted Sundries

Every year like any film nerd worth his salt I kept a viewing journal notating each film I saw, method of viewing (theatre, DVD, quarter peepshow), director, year of release, and if watching a film I have seen before, the number of times I have viewed it in total (when known). Inspired by this posting at Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot, I decided to take a closer look at some of the more esoteric details in my 2008 film viewing habits and share the results.

Total Films Seen: 293

Three more than 2007, but less than the 300 plus titles I was averaging circa 2004-6, last year's downturn being a result of it being the year of my marriage. This year's is due partially to my first full year in wedded bliss coupled with my New Year Goal of reading 52 books in 2008 (Mission Accomplished! More on that in another post) and watching more full seasons of television series than normal (The Wire being the biggest perpetrator of time consumption; a full list is included below).

Films Seen Theatrically: 86

Which is an average of over one and a half cinema trips a week, somewhat misleading due to my penchant of sneaking into an additional movie after watching the one I paid to see and four programmed double bills at repertory theatres.

Non 2007-08 Films Seen Theatrically: 10

Which when taken into consideration my membership at the American Cinematheque and the bevy of programming at my favorite theatre, the New Beverly amongst other repertory options in Southern California, is rather pathetic.

Films Seen by Decade:

2000s: 146

1990s: 12

1980s: 36

1970s: 47

1960s: 19

1950s: 10 (all of which were either foreign or directed by Howard Hawks!)

1940s: 12

1930s and before: 11

Note to self: watch more older films.

First film watched: Stray Cat Rock: Sex Hunter

First film watched theatrically: Juno

Last film watched: George Washington

Last film watched theatrically: Timecrimes

Number of films watched for the first time in 2008: 216

Number of films watched for the third or greater time in 2008: 33

5 Filmmakers Whose Work Was Watched Most Frequently:

Joe Dante: 8 (Hollywood Boulevard, Piranha, The Howling, Explorers, Innerspace, The Burbs, Matinee, Runaway Daughters)

Werner Herzog: 7 (Rescue Dawn, Encounters at the End of the World, Signs of Life, Even Dwarves Started Small, Fata Morgana, Land of Silence and Darkness, Aguirre: Wrath of God)

Howard Hawks: 7 (Monkey Business, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Land of the Pharaohs, Rio Bravo, Hatari!, El Dorado, Rio Lobo)

Steven Spielberg: 5 (Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, ET: The Extra-Terrestrial)

Mario Bava: 4 (Bay of Blood, Lisa and the Devil, Baron Blood, The Girl Who Saw Too Much)

If ever a list presented the schizophrenic nature of my movie taste and viewing habits it's this. Which reminds me I never got around to rewatching The Last Crusade in my Indiana Jones re-evaluations, I guess Crystal Skull killed that project's enthusiasm.

Number of Movies Watched per Month:

January: 28
February: 21
March: 24
April: 29
May: 26
June: 24
July: 26
August: 20
September: 25
October: 24
November: 24
December: 22

Interestingly, I watched at least 20 per month but never more than 29. April, my birthday month, featured the most cinema. August, for some reason, perhaps the paucity of interesting current releases, the least.

Movies by Country of Origin:

United States: 222
England: 19
France: 13
Italy: 11
Germany: 7
Canada: 6
Japan: 4
China: 4
Mexico: 2
Turkey: 2
Sweden: 2
Czech Republic: 1

A few notes, for international co-productions I usually sided either with the origin of the film's director or the language spoken most frequently. Slumdog Millionaire is a British production company with a British director and although English is only spoken for roughly 25% of it's running time, I placed it with England. Edge of Heaven which is a split production between Germany and Turkey, filmed equally in both countries and whose director is a German born Turkish man went to Turkey, since the dialogue spoken tilts Turkish about 60/40. And yes, it is ridiculous how little foreign language films I watched, I will make up for it in 2009.

10 Best pre-2000 Films I watched for the first time in 2008:

1. Deep End (1971, Jerzy Skolimowski)
2. Battle of Algiers (1966, Gillo Pontecorvo)
3. The Bride Wore Black (1968, Francois Truffaut)
4. Ugetsu (1953, Kenji Mizoguchi)
5. If... (1968, Lindsay Anderson)
6. Witchfinder General (1968, Michael Reeves)
7. The Testament of Dr. Mabuse (1933, Fritz Lang)
8. Lisa and the Devil (1973, Mario Bava)
9. Truck Turner (1974, Jonathan Kaplan)
10. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953, Howard Hawks)

Not coincidentally, despite the fact I only saw 61 films from countries other than America, the top eight of this list are comprised of non-US production.

10 Worst Films Regardless of Year (although all are from 2007 or 2008), in alphabetical order:

10,000 BC
Dead Silence
Fracture
The Happening
The Number 23
One Missed Call
P2
Prom Night
Righteous Kill
21

One Missed Call being the worst of the lot, and the only film I watched this year that garnered an F from this very forgiving reviewer. All are American productions. Strangely, half of them have a number somewhere in the title.

Television Seasons or Mini-Series Watched in Their Entirety:

The Wire: Seasons 1-5

John Adams

Lost: Season 4

Spaced: Seasons 1-2 (forgot this originally)

Star Trek: Season 1

The Twilight Zone: Season 1

Saturday Night Live: Seasons 1-2

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Season 1

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 6

WKRP in Cincinnati: Season 1

Curb and Lost were the only series watched during their original broadcast dates, It's Always Sunny is the first series I watched entirely online via Hulu.

Cinephiles, obsessive compulsives and anal rententives are free to share their lists or statistics in the comment section. Psych majors feel free to psychoanalyze me.

It's the End of the Season As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

What a final week: Five playoff teams decided, Four divisions decided, Ten games that had playoff ramifications. The league couldn't have been happier especially following 2007 where every single division had been wrapped up prior to the final week of play, making virtually all of the contests inflated exhibition contests.

This season has been one of the most unpredictable and for lack of better words "wacky" in NFL history (or at least my years following it). Among the anomalies of the year: An 8-8 division winner who never had a winning record at any point during the year and never lead it's division until the final week of the season; an 11-5 squad who represented the AFC in the Super Bowl last season not making the playoffs; two teams with 8-3 starts that failed to make the playoffs; a 1 win and 3 win team from the previous season both making the playoffs; two teams with rookie coaches and rookie quarterbacks making the playoffs; seven teams that didn't make the post-season last year in the playoffs this year (though this is becoming something of a commonality); 5 of the 6 NFC teams in the playoffs did not make the post-season last year; all four home teams are underdogs on Wild Card weekend; two of the road teams in the Wild Card have better records than the home team they are playing; and last and certainly least, the first 0-16 team ever.

Before we get to the final rankings of the year, and yes it's all academic at this point, here are my playoff predictions, taking into account the fact that the last three Super Bowl champions played on Wild-Card weekend and only once this decade have the two teams with homefield advantage both advanced to the Super Bowl:

NFC

Wild-Card:

Atlanta over Arizona; Minnesota over Philadelphia

Divisional Round:

New York over Atlanta; Carolina over Minnesota

Championship:

New York over Carolina

AFC

Wild-Card:

Baltimore over Miami; Indianapolis over San Diego

Divisional Round:

Tennessee over Baltimore; Indianapolis over Pittsburgh

Championship:

Indianapolis over Tennessee

Super Bowl

Indianapolis over New York (sorry, Pierre--but take solace in the fact I predicted the Jaguars to win it in the pre-season)--I just have a notion that the Cigarette-Smoking Man will make the Manning Bowl finally happen this year

The Rankings:

1. Tennessee Titans (13-3): Their decisive victory over a hot Pittsburgh team last week put them here in a coin toss. Disregard their last game, although you'd think they wouldn't want to end their great season with a shutout loss, even if it was ultimately worthless in terms of seeding. And Vince Young's performance against the Colts' scrubs has to give them pause for the future of the franchise.

2. New York Giants (12-4): Even with starters rested after halftime Minnesota needed a 50 yard field goal to beat them, this bodes well for their prospects of a Super Bowl return.

3. Carolina Panthers (12-4): Found their groove when they shifted their offensive focus to the running game leading to four wins in the final five weeks, but that one loss to the Giants may doom a team that went 8-0 at home.

4. Indianapolis Colts (12-4): Ending the year with a NFL best nine game winning streak and giving Jim Sorgi his annual paycheck earning appearance, the Colts are unquestionably the hottest team in the league. Their record would have nabbed them at least a tie for the lead in every division but their own.

5. Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4): Will keeping Ben Roethlisberger in for a meaningless drubbing of the Browns wreck their playoff potential? Does their 4-4 record against this year's playoff crop belie that perhaps they are not an elite team?

6. New England Patriots (11-5): Best team to not make the playoffs ever? Arguable. Obviously this is a homer pick, but I always felt that if the 1991 49ers who finished with a 10-6 record after suffering injuries to Joe Montana and Steve Young found a way into the post-season, they could have given the Mark Rypien lead Redskins a serious threat. As for the QB situation, Bill Belicheck isn't an idiot, he will keep Matt Cassel until Tom Brady plays an entire season healthy.

7. Baltimore Ravens (11-5): The Ravens who already won at Miami in October have extra motivation this week considering that they were the 2007 Dolphins only win and that Dolphins squad was coached by Ravens' coordinator Cam Cameron.

8. Atlanta Falcons (11-5): Remember after the draft when players were complaining that Matt Ryan was overpaid for someone who never took a snap?

9. Miami Dolphins (11-5): Giving hope to the Lions for next year. Can they keep up their error free play against a takeaway hungry Raven's D?

10. Minnesota Vikings (10-6): Tavaris Jackson is finally living up to potential, which is good because the Eagles will not allow the Vikings to be one dimensional and make their contest an Adrian Peterson run-fest.

11. Philadelphia Eagles (9-6-1): Unlikely earned a playoff spot despite needing the Texans to beat the Bears, the Raiders to beat the Buccaneers, the Arena League to cancel the 2009 season, the Lakers to beat the Celtics on Christmas Day and Valkyrie to have a 10 million dollars plus opening weekend. Donovan McNabb is one preservative son of a bitch, but until the Eagles win the Super Bowl, Philly fans will continue to talk shit, it's their nature.

12. San Diego Chargers (8-8): Before they start celebrating too much, let's just note that the four game win streak that catapulted them to the AFC West title included victories over the Raiders, a Kansas City victory they needed a furious final two minutes to win, and two teams that finished the season with four game losing streaks: Tampa Bay & Denver. Not exactly primer for a Super Bowl run.

13. Arizona Cardinals (9-7): With the exception of a week two victory over Miami did not beat a single playoff team this season. In fact, they only won three non-NFC West games the whole year.

14. Chicago Bears (9-7): How strange is this for a Bears team, the defense will have more questions in the off-season than the offense (other than their need for a big play receiver).

15. Dallas Cowboys (9-7): New York Yankees take note, a high payroll and acquisitions of big name players doesn't always translate to a championship no matter the jersey being worn.

16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7): Second consecutive collapse once clinching a winning record. There will have to be a youth movement in the South Bay eventually? Right?

17. New York Jets (9-7): When I wrote my coaching hotseat article, I did not take into account Eric Mangini, because usually coaches aren't fired after a five game win improvement from the prior season. Even if Brett Favre, an aging quarterback who hasn't been to the Super Bowl since the 1997 season (that's 11 seasons for those keeping track at home) had the owner thinking big.

18. New Orleans Saints (8-8): Drew Brees finishing sixteen yards shy of the all time single season passing record is an apt metaphor for the Saints, they are too talented a team to continually underachieve.

19. Houston Texans (8-8): Hard to get a read on this team, started 0-4 with the same personnel that ended the year 5-1. Is the impressive late run promising for next year, or like last year's 8-8 finish, a mediocre team that just happened upon a late hot-streak.

20. San Francisco 49ers (7-9): Promoting Mike Singletary immediately following the end of the game (after the team went 5-2 in its final seven games) showed a rare decisiveness for the York family and considering his popularity amongst players and fans, it was the right move. While Mike Martz had his ups (vast offensive production improvements from 2007) and downs (namely insisting upon JT O'Sullivan as starter and the fucking last play in the Arizona game) but I would've like to see the two Mikes work together one more year for continuity sake alone. A new era seems to be in San Francisco's sights, but before we get too excited, let's remember the last two 49ers teams to go 7-9 followed those seasons with a 2-14 and 5-11 performance the following year.

21. Denver Broncos (8-8): The other coach I never considered as a candidate for being fired is Mike Shanahan, the only coach to lead the Broncos to a Super Bowl victory. I am guessing his dismissal was due to a power struggle, and his not wanting to give up control (although Mike Holmgren went a similar route and still lead the Seahawks to a Super Bowl). Probably won't stay unemployed too long, might I suggest returning to your offensive coordinating roots with a certain bay area team you once had ties to (hint: not the Raiders).

22. Washington Redskins (8-8): Looked awfully bad the last few weeks, losing four out of five. Their offense needs to be more explosive.

23. Green Bay Packers (6-10): Well Brett Favre didn't make the playoffs either and you didn't become the team to give the Lions a win. Two positives after a late season five game losing streak. Offense is looking good for the future with Rodgers, Grant, Jennings and Driver being a potentially explosive nucleus

24. Buffalo Bills (7-9): How's this for consistency, Dick Juaron has led the Bills to a 7-9 record all three seasons he's been their coach.

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11): I guess laying down and letting the Ravens blow them out was their way of enacting revenge upon the New England Patriots who ended their season in the divisional round of last year's playoffs.

26. Oakland Raiders (5-11): Tom Cable made a statement for being instated as the full time coach, the statement being defeating a Tampa Bay team coached by former Raider wunderkind head coach Jon Gruden whose coordinator is the father of Lane Kiffin thus preventing them from advancing to the post-season. You know Al Davis had to love that.

27. Seattle Seahawks (4-12): For the first time in seven seasons Matt Hasselbeck (injured for most of the year) and Shaun Alexander (cut) were not the team's passing and rushing leaders. Will Hasselbeck be back next year?

28. Cincinnati Bengals (4-11-1): Team played well in the last month. That coupled with the fact Carson Palmer was out for the majority of the year and the owner of the team is a cheapskate who doesn't like paying coaches that are no longer with the team, signal Marvin Lewis is probably returning. The question is: does he want to?

29. Kansas City Chiefs (2-14): Tyler Thigpen looks to have potential and they were very competitive, half of their loses were by a touchdown or less. The problem was they blew leads in many of those close games.

30. Cleveland Browns (4-12): Ended the year without an offensive touchdown in six consecutive games and two consecutive shutout losses. In fact, the only touchdown scored in that span was a meaningless fourth quarter interception by Eagles second string QB Kevin Kolb.

31. St. Louis Rams (2-14): After weeks of incompetence, they showed some improvement in the last weeks of the season, losing four of the last five games by four points or less. Team still has some talent, just a question as to what they need to motivate them.

32. Detroit Lions (0-16): Historically bad, but probably not the worst team of all time. Just of this season. But hey, if the Dolphins, Falcons and Ravens can all turn around....nah, never mind.

Enjoy the playoffs, thanks for reading.